Monday, December 21, 2009

Fourteenth in a Series: Running Rules to Live By - The Ten Types of Runners

Based loosely on a book by Mark Remy called The Runner's Rule Book as well as a Runner's World article from the January 2010 issue over the next week or so I will be posting a few running rules to live by.

I hope you enjoy the series.

Rule Fourteen: The Ten Types of Runners

Okay, maybe not so much a rule as a definition. Did I miss any? Where did you fall?

The Speed Freak

Distinguishing Characteristics - Buzzed hair. Supershort shorts. Racing flats. Twitch in one eye.

Dangerous? - Only if you get in his way.

The Weekend Warrior

Distinguishing Characteristics - Warrior tube socks. Midsection paunch. Grin. Headphones.

Dangerous? - Only if you make fun of his socks.

The Penguin

Distinguishing Characteristics - Plodding determination. Fanny pack.

Dangerous? - Only if you make fun of John Bingham.

The Charity Runner

Distinguishing Characteristics - Selflessness. Tears. Matching outfits.

Dangerous? - No. Unless you are anti-awareness.

The Ultra Guy

Distinguishing Characteristics - Lean and tan to the nth degree. Quiet. Hard as nails.

Dangerous? - Only at an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet.

The Kicker

Distinguishing Characteristics - None whatsoever, until he or she unleashes a stiff, tight-lipped, arm-pumping sprint in the final 100 meters of the race.

Dangerous? - Lord help you if you get in the way of those pumping arms.

The Old-Timer

Distinguishing Characteristics - Faded cotton T-shirt from the 1981 Peachtree 10-K. Scar on neck from melanoma. Twinkle in eye. Conspicuous lack of gadgets. Advanced age.

Dangerous? - Heck, no. These guys are great.

The Triathlete

Distinguishing Characteristics - Ironman tattoo. Skin-tight unitard, possibly emblazoned with sponsors' names. Comparatively large upper body. Vague smell of chlorine.

Dangerous? - Only if you call him a unitard.

The Wacky Guy

Distinguishing Characteristics - 'Antennas' headband, oversize novelty sunglasses, cowboy hat, kilt, superhero costume, etc. A grim determination to 'have fun with it."

Dangerous? - Probably not, although this guy might someday snap.

Joe Average

Distinguishing Characteristics - None.

Dangerous? - Almost certainly.

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