I hope you enjoy the series.
Rule Fourteen: The Ten Types of Runners
Okay, maybe not so much a rule as a definition. Did I miss any? Where did you fall?
The Speed Freak
Distinguishing Characteristics - Buzzed hair. Supershort shorts. Racing flats. Twitch in one eye.
Dangerous? - Only if you get in his way.
The Weekend Warrior
Distinguishing Characteristics - Warrior tube socks. Midsection paunch. Grin. Headphones.
Dangerous? - Only if you make fun of his socks.
The Penguin
Distinguishing Characteristics - Plodding determination. Fanny pack.
Dangerous? - Only if you make fun of John Bingham.
The Charity Runner
Distinguishing Characteristics - Selflessness. Tears. Matching outfits.
Dangerous? - No. Unless you are anti-awareness.
The Ultra Guy
Distinguishing Characteristics - Lean and tan to the nth degree. Quiet. Hard as nails.
Dangerous? - Only at an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet.
The Kicker
Distinguishing Characteristics - None whatsoever, until he or she unleashes a stiff, tight-lipped, arm-pumping sprint in the final 100 meters of the race.
Dangerous? - Lord help you if you get in the way of those pumping arms.
The Old-Timer
Distinguishing Characteristics - Faded cotton T-shirt from the 1981 Peachtree 10-K. Scar on neck from melanoma. Twinkle in eye. Conspicuous lack of gadgets. Advanced age.
Dangerous? - Heck, no. These guys are great.
The Triathlete
Distinguishing Characteristics - Ironman tattoo. Skin-tight unitard, possibly emblazoned with sponsors' names. Comparatively large upper body. Vague smell of chlorine.
Dangerous? - Only if you call him a unitard.
The Wacky Guy
Distinguishing Characteristics - 'Antennas' headband, oversize novelty sunglasses, cowboy hat, kilt, superhero costume, etc. A grim determination to 'have fun with it."
Dangerous? - Probably not, although this guy might someday snap.
Joe Average
Distinguishing Characteristics - None.
Dangerous? - Almost certainly.
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